


smoke and ash (breathe through them)

by WithYourRhythm



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Power Swap, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Jinchuuriki Sai (Naruto), M/M, Naruto Mix-Up No Jutsu Zine, Power Swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 14:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18122561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithYourRhythm/pseuds/WithYourRhythm
Summary: (The monster watches his drawing of a valley with something weird in its red eyes until he wakes up. He thinks that it can be longing.)





	smoke and ash (breathe through them)

**Author's Note:**

> My piece for Naruto Mix-Up No Jutsu main zine!
> 
> You can learn more about the zine at this blog!

There is a quiet growl in his head, coming from the deepest part of his mind. Sai hears the scratching sound of claws sliding on a wall, the voice that lets out curses full of rage when no one else can, and deep into his mind, he knows that it’s more than a voice.

 

\--

 

It's warm in the sewer. The blurry water climbs to his ankles with the biggest gate and bars he has ever seen in his life is standing in front of him.

 

He pays attention to his surroundings just as his brother taught him, taking in the big walls that surround the cage that’s in shadows. He has to find a way to out, because this is what a good shinobi would do. They would be careful, and wouldn't panic when something unexpected happens.

 

They also expect the unexpected so Sai does not understand how something like that would happen, but it’s fine, he’s still learning, and he knows he has a long way to go until he becomes a good shinobi.

 

That’s exactly why he doesn’t react except bowing politely to the giant fox that's locked behind the bars, just a little more scary than the worst of his nightmares. 

 

He straightens his back once more, and uses a pleasant, small tone to say, “Hello.”

 

Being polite usually saves him from a lot of trouble. It also helps him to keep a distance, just like his brother warned him to be.

 

He also remembers the missing-nin who attacked his brother because he didn't gave a proper greeting. Sai knows better than letting a mistake happen when he knows the results it brings. 

 

The beast shifts, and its growl makes him hesitate, but then the chakra hits him. It makes his knees buckle under the weight of it, and suddenly there's the feeling he had when the first time he had a blade against his throat, but it's more. It makes his eyes go wide and there’s not enough air in his lungs, the thirst for blood this monster feels is too much, he can't see, can't _breathe-_

 

The feeling fades, the evil chakra leaving no traces behind except the tears on his cheeks, and Sai feels fear sinking in his chest for his life, his mind. Whatever this thing is, it's not something he should stand in front of, too powerful for him to even look.

 

_As weak as ever, you humans._

 

He flinches, a shaky breath caught in his throat, but- but this thing is a fox, an animal, and he shouldn't be afraid of it. Danzo-sama always says that the shinobi are hunters, never the hunted, so he should be able to beat this monster into submission.

 

Except, the fox sniffs haughtily, and those massive eyes gets closer to the bars of that massive cage. Sai wonders if he's the one trapped, or the monster.

 

Your kind gets smaller with every passing decade. A snort echoes around the sewer, and Sai wants to escape from this place that is the last place he will see if he is eaten by this monster. Finally, my new jailor managed to come here, looking as disgusting as his predecessors. The grin -or snarl, Sai can't think a difference between those two expressions with this creature- the fox has is too bloodthirsty for him to feel safe, and Sai gulps down a sob that wants to escape from his throat.

 

_Should I see if your look tells the truth?_

 

A whine slips out past his lips, his whole body frozen. He doesn’t move from where he sits, not because he wants to, but instead, he can’t. The killing intent is too much, and the bone-deep terror is still there after the minutes he spent in this sewer. Sai wishes to go back to his room, not being eaten by this beast, he prays for his brother to come and help him-

 

One second, the muscles under the fur of the fox tenses, strains as the beast leaps towards him, the bars looking too weak to hold it. The next second, he’s screaming to the ceiling of his room, his brother on top of him, shaking his shoulders.

 

“Wake up! Come on, it's a nightmare! You're gonna wake everybody up-!”

 

He pushes him away, lifts his body to face the floor and pukes.

 

\--

 

The next time is not that hard. He enters that same sewer again, but instead of standing in front of the monster, he goes to one of the walls that are further away from it and sits down by it, never leaving his eyes from the fox except blinking occasionally. The water almost reaches to his lap, but it doesn't feel very cold, so he stays where he is.

 

After a while, he gets bored and turns his face to the wall. Then, he dips his forefinger in the water and studies it.

 

He wakes up before he can do anything else.

 

\--

 

Third time is nothing new. He does the same as before, and the monster does nothing except for letting out growls and watching him with his giant, unblinking, red eyes.

 

By the end of the fifth time, he understands that everytime he sleeps, he goes into that sewer. Deciding that he can't just sit and be bored, he tries to do something more creative.

 

Sixth time, instead of sleeping with a kunai under his pillow, he sleeps with it in his hands. It doesn't appear in the sewer.

 

The next time, he tries a scroll. It doesn't work either, and when he wakes up, he finds ink decorating his face with stupid wiggles. His brother laughs at him and helps him get cleaned.

 

The sixteenth try is when he gives up. Ironically, that's what makes a good change for him. He goes to the same wall and plops down the second he reaches it. Putting his finger in the water once more, he examines it. Everything is just like the first time he came in here, the water is still not cold, the bars are thicker than his whole body, and the fox is still watching him.

 

But this time, he's too bored. He has no other plans, and he trained all day to do the trick Shin showed him, slipping a kunai into his sleeve without cutting himself. Because of the cuts on his hands, he’s forbidden from painting, but his hands are _healed_ when he's in the sewer.

 

So he takes his eyes off the monster and faces the wall, slowly starting to draw shapes on the wall. Everytime his finger dries, he wets it again, and everytime he does that, the water gets darker, lasts longer on his fingers.

 

By the end of his sixth drawing, he's drenched in black ink, and the wall looks better than the first, blank version of it. He takes it as a progress.

 

(The monster watches his drawing of a valley with something weird in its red eyes until he wakes up. He thinks that it can be longing.)

 

\--

 

He realizes that the drawings are not disappearing after the second time he attempts to draw something. He thinks that it can be a good place to make plans and hide information, but somehow, he keeps drawing instead of writing.

 

This is his little world, he decides.

 

\--

 

He doesn't tell his brother anything except saying that he will understand what’s going on when he finishes his notebook. He plans to draw the monster as the last thing he fights, because it's the scariest enemy he has ever faced.

 

\--

 

He stops counting after some time, but after hundreds of visits to the sewer, the monster speaks once again.

 

_What’s that?_

 

He flinches, springing to his feet and facing the monster in a blink, but it doesn’t even point out his reaction. Instead, it looks at his newest drawing with something akin to curiosity in it's scary red eyes, and he tries to suck a breath in, because he is _safe_.

 

He turns his eyes to the drawing of the beautiful bird he tracked with his brother, and his throat tightens. He doesn't want his brother to be in danger, it makes his chest ache when he thinks of this monster threatening his only family.

 

The monster waits patiently as its giant head gets closer to the bars. It squints its eyes and huffs.

 

 _It's too far away. I can't see the details._ Its voice doesn't sound commanding, just frustrated. _Draw somewhere closer._

 

He doesn't move from where he is till he wakes up, but the fox doesn't either. It just keeps studying his drawings, from oldest to newest.

 

When he wakes up, he throws up again.

 

\--

 

The next time, he doesn't go to sleep. Instead, an enemy shinobi dispatches all of his shadow clones, makes a cut on his right shoulder and leg, then throws him to the ground from the top of a tree so hard that he loses consciousness.

 

He wakes up in the sewer, and panics the whole time, because there's an enemy shinobi in the forest and nobody knows it except him and his brother. He wonders how someone managed to infiltrate the village, and hopes that his brother can take care of the enemy alone.

 

The monster looks as unmoving as ever, so he starts to walk towards his wall.

 

Then, he hesitates. Time ticks by, and after a while, he turns back and walks to the wall adjoining to the bars, red eyes trailing after him.

 

He draws the sunset he saw right before he and his brother got attacked. This time, the water looks like blood.

 

\--

 

He doesn't walk to the wall this time. He has nothing to draw.

 

The monster's growl is gone. He can't help but feel thankful, because even though it's familiar and comforting, he needs silence.

 

He can't comprehend it. Shin is dead. His brother is _dead._

 

He doesn't cry. Shin told him to kill his emotions, so that's exactly what he will do. Instead, he thinks of the red, murderous chakra he felt within himself when he was running to tell Danzo-sama his first lie, that he _killed_ Shin.

 

He tries to understand what it was, but then remembers the red eyes of the monster and how heavy its presence was when he first saw it, so he decides to keep quiet about it.

 

Not like the monster would accept to answer any of his questions anyway.

 

\--

 

“You're the Nine Tailed Demon that attacked to Konoha years ago.” His voice sounds steady, but even after all those years, he still can't bring himself to take a step towards the bars from where he always wakes up.

 

The monster snorts, _and you're a pitiful, little human I should crush under my claws. What's new?_

 

He doesn't react except blinking.

 

“I'm a Jinchuuriki. A living sacrifice.”

 

The beast snarls, _good for you, damned meat bag-!”_

 

It lunges towards the bars, but he keeps his ground. The bars rattle, the water undulates, reaching a little over his ankles, but the gates _hold._

 

“You're trapped in here.” He feels a drop of sweat sliding down his face, “Why were you sealed in me?”

 

The monster stretches his jaw, sharp, pointy teeth flashing in the low light, then it _roars._

 

He's thrown out of the sewer, _his mind_ , without even getting a second to prepare himself. He pushes himself up, and sits in his bed quietly.

 

He decides to try again tomorrow.

 

\--

 

He goes back to the sewer a few hours later, instead of the next time he sleeps. He falls unconscious from blood loss, and the second his eyes close, they open once again to look at the bars that restrains the fox that has its back turned to the gates.

 

He blinks a few times. “Are you… sulking?”

 

The roar he gets as an answer makes him jump.

 

He doesn't get any answers that time either.

 

\--

 

After a few tries, he gives up. It's fairly obvious that the beast doesn't want to give an answer to that question, and he doesn't have enough time left to have a long, uninterrupted nap with all the missions he takes.

 

His stay in the sewer usually ends with him drawing things on the wall next to the bars absentmindedly, or resting against the wall with closed eyes, meditating.

 

With all that meditation, he manages to get his chakra under control enough to create his first clone after all those shadow clones.

 

He doesn't feel proud. A shinobi shouldn't be proud.

 

(When he tricks enemy shinobi with a clone that they can’t touch, his lips quirk upwards for a moment.

 

He wonders what a real smile feels like.)

 

\--

 

He gets a new codename, _Sai._ He also gets a new mission too. It’s protecting the jinchuuriki.

 

Nobody knows the truth. He keeps it to himself, because even after all those times, he still can't bring himself to master the skill of being emotionless.

 

He holds grudges. To Danzo-sama, to Shin, to _himself._

 

The growls in his head are heard less and less. Instead, it's curiosity he gets from the fox.

 

He prefers the growls better.

 

\--

 

The fake jinchuuriki has blue eyes, blonde hair, and ugly, eye-catching, orange and black jumpsuit. But more importantly, he makes _it_ angry.

 

He -Sai- protects his position for a moment as he waits for the ache in his gut to calm down, and holds breath. It growls in his head in a way that makes his ears ache, and he wonders what's so special about such a bad, emotional shinobi.

 

This is the first time _it_ reacts to something from the real world. Sai keeps his hand close to his bag, his hands twitching for a brush, and he’s worried enough that he tries to think of a seal that can push the beast into the deepest parts of his mind.

 

The monster can see from his eyes.

 

He sighs, letting his hand fall away from his pouch. _Maybe later._

 

\--

 

He knows that he made a bad impression, but it doesn't matter. He has a mission to do, such childish acts are too unprofessional for him to react.

 

(But for some reason, he keeps provoking the fake jinchuuriki. When he sleeps that night, the beast smirks at him with malice, and all Sai can do is make angry slashes on the wall.)

 

(Before he wakes up, the slashes end up as the monster’s eyes. Sai sighs to himself as he sits on his bedroll, and pushes himself up to get ready for the capture of Uchiha Sasuke.)

 

\--

 

The fake jinchuuriki draws well, even when he gets angry and attacks furiously with everything he has in his hands. His beasts -made from ink and chakra- are vicious and _beautiful._

 

That's something Sai can appreciate.

 

He wonders what kind of ink and brushes the fake jinchuuriki use, if he prefers scrolls or rice paper.

 

He doesn't ask his questions to him. Instead, he waits for the right time, and goes to complete his real mission.

 

\--

 

Everything goes down as fast as a lightning.

 

He gets caught, and they don't listen to him when he tells them how much their ex-teammate cares about them.

 

Then, Kabuto is there to free him. But instead...

 

Instead, Sai _remembers_ Shin. Remembers him smiling at him, telling him to eat, to sleep, to learn, and fight. Telling him to _run_ , and call himself the murderer of his brother.

 

He can see the echo of his brother in the eyes of the fake jinchuuriki.

 

(His notebook, that precious thing- it hides so many secrets and memories, buried within the black ink and lines. Shin's wish from Sai was to see the finished version of it.)

 

(He decides to fill the only empty page in it after helping out Team Kakashi.)

 

\--

 

Everybody tries to protect the fake jinchuuriki- _Naruto_. They call his ability to create beasts from ink as an ability he gets from the Nine Tails, but Sai knows the truth, so he visits him and asks about his ability.

 

Surprisingly, they talk about drawings and the creatures made from ink all day. In the end, they go to Ichiraku Ramen, and Naruto draws a little swirl on his tissue for Sai.

 

Sai draws a small fox as an answer, and they exchange knowing glances. Sai doesn't know how Naruto has managed learn what's going on, but he knows that he managed to find an ally between the sea of enemies in this village.

 

He enjoys the way smiling feels like. He calls Naruto ‘dickless’, leaves a kiss on his cheek, then gives him a weird smile that's not entirely fake, but not real either.

 

Naruto becomes red all the way to his neck and yells about how embarrassing he is, so Sai explains him that he had read it in a book that this is what people do to someone they enjoy spending time with, but the fake jinchuuriki screeches out an insult all the same, and punches Sai over his head. After finishing his attack, he disappears in a storm of enraged yells and pink cheeks.

 

Sai draws the beautiful waterfall he saw on the way back to Konoha with his new team on the wall of the sewer that night. The fox watches him curiously, and when Sai is done with the drawing, it keeps staring at the wall for the rest of the night.

 

Sai decides that it wasn't an entirely bad day.

 

\--

 

 _Draw me a storm,_ fox grumbles out with its paws propping its head up. _A bad one. Over a forest._

 

Sai keeps his blank eyes on the beast, and thinks of the way sun shines through the window as he eats breakfast, feeling of a scroll under his hands, fresh smell of rain that makes his nose itch, and-

 

(He tries to imagine a world where he can’t smell the scent of his favorite ink, hear rustling sound of the swinging leaves in the wind, watch the cloudy air win over sun and end with a hard rain, leaving a rainbow behind its place.)

 

“Okay.” He smiles eerily, as fake as it’ll ever be, “How about some lightning here and there too?”

 

The monster just growls out an insult, and his huff makes the sewer a little more heated than usual.

 

Sai draws the terrible storm he saw during an assassination mission he had.

 

(He can't imagine it.)

 

\--

 

He watches as Naruto tries to eat, and his stomach feels weird. He’s glad that he didn't get the chance to fight with the Akatsuki, because he has a feeling that he can't keep up with them alone, but seeing Naruto's injuries is not something he enjoys.

 

He volunteers to feed him as Naruto flails, but in the end, Kakashi-san is the one who gets to help him eat.

 

Sai doesn't smile, but his expression is close to it.

 

He should start calling him Sensei.

 

\--

 

“You can talk,” Sai hums while drawing the curve of the lake, “You can think and feel, but you're just chakra.”

 

The beast moves its claws a little, the water slightly wetting the bottom of them. It says nothing.

 

“What are you? How can a chakra construction talk like a human?”

 

The monster hums idly, _you’re more of a monster than I’ll ever be, meat bag._ Its eyes does not drift away from the wall, Sai feels the weight of its attention on his hand.

 

He doesn't feel insulted. After all, what it says is true, but-

 

“If you're more like a human, do you have parents as well? A family? How about a name?” His hand stops, but he doesn't turn his head to the fox. “Do you have a name?”

 

The silence surrounds the sewer again. Sai blinks once, twice, then goes back to his drawing of a lake, rocks and plants decorating its calm water.

 

After a while, when his drawing is finished, a sigh echoes across the sewer.

 

 _Kurama._ The monster moves it's snout closer to the bars, _my name is Kurama, human._

 

Sai smiles. “I'm Sai. Nice to meet you.”

 

Surprisingly, it's not a fake smile.

 

\--

 

Kurama is really grumpy, Sai learns that after the first days of the weird peace they make. The fox always gives its distasteful opinions on everything, including the way the Akimichi heir - _Chouji,_ the boy says, _you can call me with my name_ \- looks delicious and would make a nice dessert, even though he wouldn't even get close to sating Kurama's hunger.

 

It- _he_ also protests to being called as an ‘it’. He complains about how stupid Sai sounds when he calls Kurama like an animal and refuses to answer unless Sai gives up and calls him with his name. When Sai asks what he would like to be called instead of ‘it’, he snorts and says that he has no gender like some useless, two-legged free meals. Sai decides to call him a male for the sake of his mental health. Thinking of having another Ugly in his mind makes him nauseous.

 

The fox is also a lot harder to satisfy when he's not trying to eat him, as Sai learns. He keeps snorting when Sai trains,and it’s irritating enough that, Sai asks him what he thinks that he can improve.

 

That's how Sai starts learning how to use the fox's chakra.

 

(It becomes an ongoing disaster for Sai, but somehow, he can't wait to keep training after he's done for the day.)

 

\--

 

“I always healed fast,” Naruto sighs idly, swinging his legs. The borders of Konoha is peaceful enough for him to continue murmuring quietly, and the loud crowd of streets is not there to drown his voice. “At first, I thought nothing of it, but an accident happened and I learned how the Nine Tails was supposedly sealed in me.” He huffs out a breath and lets himself fall backwards on the wall. Crossing his arms under his head, he keeps going, and his eyes never leaves the sky.

 

“Old man told me that everybody thought I was the new jinchuuriki because there was a seal on me. They even sensed the fox's chakra.”

 

Sai keeps sketching Naruto's silhouette against the dark sky on his notebook, humming lightly to make him keep going.

 

Naruto's voice is steady enough to keep going, but Sai knows better than thinking he thinks nothing of this story of his, “My mom was the previous jinchuuriki. I think her seal might have cracked when she was giving birth to me.” He stops for a moment, shrugging, “Maybe that’s why I have marks on my cheeks.”

 

Sai lifts his head up to look at Naruto. He looks like he's in pain.

 

He never liked it when Naruto was in pain. Though, there’s no Kakashi to cheer him up this time, so Sai lifts his ink smudged hand and pets his hair. Then, just as awkwardly, goes back to drawing.

 

He misses Naruto's blush.

 

Kurama sighs in his head, sounding like he's suffering, ‘ _Why do I have to see this every time I get a new jinchuuriki?’_

 

Sai keeps drawing, his elbow ghosting over the sealing papers in his pouch that lies beside him. The sunrise makes Naruto's tan skin look like dark honey, Konoha feels far away from the darkness he grew up within, and somehow, he believes that everything will turn out alright.

 

An agreeing growl comes from the back of his mind.


End file.
